


A NEW PALETTE

by MAGNETIC_DOG



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime), Pocket Monsters: Black & White | Pokemon Black and White Versions
Genre: Abusive Parents, Anxiety, Chili and Cress are very sweet brothers, Fluff, For reference the Striaton siblings are like 17-18 in this, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, I am open to criticism from trans women, I write this fic from a place of support!!!!! I mean well, It's a small part of the fanfic but still felt I should issue a warning, Light Angst, Misogyny, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, uh potential trigger warning for
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:42:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23895508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MAGNETIC_DOG/pseuds/MAGNETIC_DOG
Summary: Every kind of journey a person takes is always one with the potential for self-discovery. That was something she learned on her own.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 29





	A NEW PALETTE

**Author's Note:**

> A (currently) one-shot based off of the headcanon of Cilan from Pokemon B&W being a trans girl. As someone who is AFAB and nonbinary, I'm open to criticism and suggestions from trans women on this fic!!!
> 
> I also wrote this fic bc I couldn't find fluffy content of the Striaton siblings supporting each other outside of canon so I was like "Screw it I'll make some myself"
> 
> Also sorry if this sloppy. I kiiinda wrote this all in one go. It was thought out, trust me, but I wrote it fast.

The morning was rather brisk for summer in Unova. She’d brought a jacket just to sit outside and mull over thoughts for a while. As normally, she’d woken up before her brothers. She sat in an iron chair on the outdoor balcony, and on the table in front of her lay a plate with a half-eaten scone, some cooling fried eggs, and some poorly chopped ham with seasoning. She absentmindedly stirred her coffee, hearing the gentle clink of the spoon around the walls of the mug.

 _Today’s the day. You have to tell them today,_ she thought to herself.

 **No, I probably shouldn’t,** her mind argued with itself. **What if they get upset with me?**

_They wouldn’t. They shouldn’t. They’re your brothers. Even if they don’t immediately understand...they’ll support you._

Her mind cycled through the exhausting “tell them,” “but what if” exchange for a quite a few minutes before she was pulled out of her thoughts to the sound of her Pansage hopping up on the table and trying to nab some of her food.

“Bentley, no!” she told him sternly, her voice sounding lower than she wanted it too. She waved a scolding hand at the Pokemon. “This is MY food. If you want breakfast, I can make you some.”

The Pokemon pouted at her in an adorable fashion, hoping to charm it’s trainer into letting it have at least A LITTLE bit of that delicious berry scone. Even if he didn’t have the ability of Cute Charm, he at the very least knew his own trainer was weak to the cuteness of her darling Pokemon. It was fairly often that, when her brothers weren’t around, she’d coo at them like newborn infants. This time however, she was firm in her word.

“No, Bentley,” she restated. “The lillipup eyes aren’t gonna work on me this time.”

The Pokemon huffed, finally giving up, and hopped off the table, wobbling it a little in the process, and made its leave back into the house. 

With that, she set down her coffee and finished up her now cold breakfast, taking the now clean plates and her half-empty mug with her back into the house. After setting the dishes in the sink, she downed the last of her coffee, and made her way back to her bedroom to get ready for the day. As she got ready, she looked into the mirror and sighed, running a hand over the top of her mint-colored hair. She wondered why she chose to look in the first place if she rarely ever liked what she saw.

Buttoning up the black vest of her uniform, all that was left was the tie. It was easy to remember - _left over, wrap around right, fold left, pull right over, fold right, push excess behind to make the center knot, done_. Nervously, she tugged a little at the paris green bowtie when she heard her brothers up and about outside the room.

Chili and Cress were, unsurprisingly, arguing. Chili had obviously just woken up, being in his pajamas, with his ruby red hair far messier than usual and tired, yet angry eyes.

“CRESS!” Chili shouted, pounding on the bathroom door. “Get finished in there already! We’re not going out to the goddamn Oscars! This is JUST another work day!”

Ah, that’s what it was. Cress did tend to fuss around with his appearance a lot, particularly his hair. Even if there was no need, he always wanted to look perfect.

“In a minute!” Cress snapped back from the inside. “Let me finish up my hair!”

Chili rolled his eyes and groaned, crossing his arms and leaning back against the wall, but then perked up when he saw Cilan.

“Hey, just the man I wanted to see!”

Ah. But that wasn’t something she wanted to hear him say.

“Can you get Cress out of the bathroom, Ci? He’s taking forever.” He gestured towards the door and put a loud emphasis on “forever”, shooting a glare that, if not closed, would be directed towards the person behind the bathroom door.

“Chili,” she started, putting on a bit of a fake smile. “If you rush him, he’ll just take even longer. Have some patience.”

“Ugh,” Chili rolled his eyes again. “I can’t believe this,” He started pounding on the door again. “HEY CRESS! CILAN’S READY FOR WORK, WHY CAN’T YOU BE?!”

She’d be able to give a genuine smile if she wasn’t still nervous about what she wanted to tell her brothers.

**I really shouldn’t. What if they hate me for it?**

_Once again...they’re your brothers. You trust them, and they trust you. They love you, they’ll love you no matter who you are._

On an impulse, she blurted out, “U-um, hey Chili?”

“Yeah?”

“When uh, you and Cress are finished...and all ready...I’ll want to talk to you two about something...important. Before we leave, I mean.”

Chili perked up again, concern in his face. “Uh...sure. We’ll call you down, alright?”

Crap. She made him worried. It should’ve been expected, but she still didn’t want to make Chili think something bad had happened. 

Nevertheless, she went back into her room and lied down on her bed, staring at the ceiling as a storm of nervous thoughts brewed in her brain. She thought back is to where it began.

Enraptured by that boy and his Pokemon. His free, strong spirit. Ash, the travelling trainer from Pallet town in the Kanto region had just sauntered into Striaton on that day. She remembered her elation at seeing his Pikachu, having never seen such a rare Pokemon up close. A wonderful Pokemon, indeed!!!

Moreover - Ash and his Pokemon worked together and complemented each other so well. She was inspired. Despite all her prattle of being a “connoisseur” in many subjects, she’d doubt herself so often. Doubt her strength, talent, and the charisma so many customers said she had. Sometimes she’d even doubt the pairing between her and her partner Pokemon, even though she and Pansage had been together ever since she was a child.

Her departure from Striaton City that day came clear to her mind.

 _“You’re going on a journey?”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“You’re serious?”_

_“I’m as serious I can be! After Ash and I had our battle, our talks convinced me that I just couldn’t resist the urge anymore! It’s so clear - that there’s more to the pairing of Pokemon and trainer than I originally thought. Much more - I know this will help me become an even better Pokemon connoisseur!”_

_“In that case, we won’t stop you!”_

_“We want you to be the best Pokemon connoisseur.”_

_“Thank you both…!”_

_“You just leave the gym to us!”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Yes, and best wishes on your journey, Cilan!”_

Her brothers were always so supportive (what was she so afraid of?). She could remember the calls from them on her X-transceiver. They were almost always happy to see her - supporting her and her journey with Ash and Iris. She damn near cried when both of them called her at the same time on her birthday.

**_“HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CILAN!!!”_ **

_“We know you’re busy on your journey with your friends -”_

_“BUT WE COULDN’T HELP OURSELVES! WE HAD TO CALL YOU TODAY!!!_ _You’re 16 now, dude!”_

_“A great age to be, indeed. It seems like only yesterday we were all children receiving our first partner Pokemon and training under our fathe -”_

_“Ooooh, CAN IT, CRESS!!! HE DOESN’T NEED OUR ENTIRE BACKSTORY WHEN HE WAS THERE FOR ALL OF IT! Er, sorry - anyway, we love you Cilan!!! Thanks for being the most AWESOME brother we could ever ask for -”_

_“Indeed. We give you our best regards, and hope you remember to treat yourself well today. You do deserve it ~ !”_

_“Remember Ci, you ever feel alone? Just call us! We will drop EVERYTHING and answer A - S - A - P!”_

_“Also, tell Pansage that Panpour and Pansear say hello ~ !”_

**_“BYE!”_ **

And soon after, she found Iris asking her why she was crying. She wasn’t sad. She was overwhelmed with joy. Her brothers - they were so sweet to her. She would build them up with her connoisseur knowledge, they would build her up in any way possible when she felt at her lowest. 

She knew for the longest time that something about her was...different from her brothers. That something about her didn’t fit. It wasn’t her specialized type - they all used different types. It wasn’t the way she looked - none of them looked similar to each other aside from their uniforms. She couldn’t pin it, but she knew she was different.

Every time their father would scold them - force up an image of manliness.

 _“Don’t be such a girl!”_ He’d say, whenever one of them broke into tears.

She’d find herself asking, _“What’s so wrong with girls? What’s so wrong with being one?”_

As a child, though she never wanted romance, she’d imagine herself as the Princess in fairy tale stories.

She always found herself so comfortable in dresses - even when they weren’t exactly her style. Sometimes she’d even feel disappointed to change back into her regular clothes.

She knew she was different. But it never clicked until one conversation she had one day.

Ash had sat alone by a tree with his Pikachu, looking a bit forlorn.

 _“Ash..? Are you alright?”_ Cilan remembered asking.

_“Cilan...I know it’s silly, but can I ask you a question?”_

_“Don’t say that - nothing you could ask me would be ever silly. Come on, talk to me.”_

_“Mmm...do you ever feel like - you don’t belong?”_

_“Hm?”_ _  
_

_“Like - you’re too different from everyone else? Sometimes I feel like that...I mean, being the only Kantonian around gets lonely pretty often.”_

His Pikachu let out a sad “Pika pika…”

_“...I understand completely, Ash.”_

_“You do?”_

_“Yeah, but my situation is - different from yours to say the least.”_

_“What’s up, Cilan? If you’ve got something on your mind, you can tell me.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Well...only if you promise not to share this with others. I’m trying to figure something out.”_

_“Go on…”_

_“I’ve always felt different from my brothers...like I don’t belong among them, because I’ve been more interested in stuff that girls typically like.”_

_“Really? That’s not bad at all, you can like whatever you want! No one should judge you for that!”_ _  
_

_“Well, but, sometimes I’ve felt...like I would be more comfortable with myself if I was a girl.”_

_“Oh! There’s nothing wrong with that at all, Cilan!”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“What? You’re not...weirded out?”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Of course not! I’ve met trans people before on my journeys in other regions.”_

_“Trans people?”_

_“Yeah, people who don’t identify with the gender they were assigned when they were born. That’s the description someone gave me once,”_ The boy explained to her, rubbing the back of his head.

Lights clicked within her. So many things started to make sense. Her eyes lit up like a starry night’s sky, and she had grabbed his hands in thankful joy.

_“Th-thank you so much, Ash!”_

_“Heh, no problem! Since you told me to, I’ll keep this a secret between you, me, and Pikachu. But just know that I support you all the way, Cilan!”_

And Pikachu gave a cheerful “Pika!” in agreement. 

It wasn’t like the thought of talking to Ash had been easier. At the time, she’d been dreadfully nervous to admit this in conversation. But that day, so many things about her made perfect sense. She’d kept her new identity in secrecy, but she finally had a word for it. She finally had an explanation. She knew why she was different, and wasn’t a bad thing at all.

Now, if only she could muster the courage to come out to her brothers.

She heard Chili’s voice and was brought back down to Earth, from where her thoughts had been spinning in the air like a tornado.

“Cilan, come on down!”

Suddenly her heart started beating fast. This was the moment.

She got up, took some deep breaths to even her stress out, and walked out of her room, stepping down the stairs to the living room, meeting with her brothers.

Cress and Chili were on the couch - Chili casually laid back with arms crossed and legs spread out, and Cress sitting upright and proper, both feet on the floor and crossed fists resting in his lap. Both brothers had concern etched on their faces.

“Cilan, Chili said you wanted to talk to us about something important. Is everything alright?”

Her heart began racing again, she stared at the floor and twiddled her thumbs. “U-um…”

“Hey,” Chili piped up. “You can tell us anything, dude. If something’s wrong, don’t be afraid to say it.”

She closed her eyes when tears threatened to come out.

_There it is. He just said it. Why are you so afraid?_

**But what if -**

_No ifs. No more of that. They love you, and nothing will ever change that. Tell them._

“I-I,” She blinked away tears. “This is something I’ve been thinking about for a long time. Ever since all three of us were little. Since you two are my brothers...I’m hoping you’ll support me.”

Chili and Cress were alert. Neither of them said a word, but she could see by their faces that they were silently telling her to continue.

“Um...I’m,” She swallowed a lump in her throat and closed her eyes, as if bracing for something. “I-I’m...trans. I’ve never felt comfortable being a boy, or being called a boy. It clicked with me...on my journey. I...I found out that I’m a girl.”

At first, she heard no response from her brothers. She’d come out now, but she was fearing the worst. Instead…

She soon felt a big, warm embrace. She opened her eyes, and both of her brothers were there, hugging her.

Her voice was shaky. “Chili? Cress?”

“I’m so proud of you, sis,” She heard the smile in Chili’s voice. “We’ll both support you no matter what.”

“It must have been so hard for you to tell us this, but don’t worry at all,” Cress affirmed. “We’ll always love you, and always be here for you. You can count on our support.”

Tears pooled in her eyes now, but this time she did nothing to stop them. As she cried she could feel Chili’s hug tighten, and feel Cress pull back to raise a hand and wipe tears off her cheek.

“We’re very happy for you, Cilan,” She looked at him and he smiled warmly at her. “We want you to feel that same joy for yourself. If you want to start a transition, we can make it happen, swiftly like a Basculin’s Aqua Tail ~ !”  
  
She laughed. She was so happy. She really had had nothing to worry about.

“Oh, hey,” Chili broke away a little (thankfully, as his tight hug around her was starting to hurt a bit). “Do you still want us to call you Cilan? I’m not uh,” He rubbed that back of his head nervously. “I don’t know a lot about trans people, but...I do know that a lot of them change their name. If you want to do that, we’ll remember it and make sure everyone else remembers it.”

That caught her attention. She’d given it some thought on occasion, considered a few different names, but there was one in particular that she loved, now figuring she wanted to use for herself.

“I...really like the name Holly,” She grinned. “How’s that?”

“That name is perfect! Any name is perfect!” Chili said, grabbing her hands. Cress nodded in agreement with him.

“Really?”

“Yeah! Because you’re our sister and YOU’RE perfect!!!”

“I, heheh,” Holly snickered, wiping away some tears. “Chili, you’re gonna make me start crying all over again.”

“Well, I’m right, aren’t I Cress?” He looked towards the other brother, who once again nodded in agreement.

“Yes, that’s one of the few things Chili and I can agree on, it seems.”

Cress pushed back a sleeve to view his silver watch. “Oh dear,” He furrowed his brow. “I hate to put a damper on things but if we don’t get going soon we’ll be late to open the restaurant.”

“O-oh no, sorr-” Holly began only to be cut off when Cress’ hand rested reassuringly on her shoulder.

“No need to apologize at all, Holly,” He smiled. “Let yourself be.”

It felt like the night’s stars filled her eyes again. Her brothers were unbelievably sweet.

After they made it to the restaurant with only 20 minutes until opening time to spare, as she shifted through some papers, Holly felt a hand tap her on the shoulder. Turning around, it was Chili.

“Hey, sis,” He said to her. “Cress made you somethin’ to wear on your uniform today!”

“I...oh? W-what is it..?”

Chili held up a sticker styled like a name tag: _Hello, my name is Holly!_

He grinned sheepishly. “It’s not the most professional thing in the world, but it’s the best we could do on super short notice!”

She marveled at the sticker, happily grabbing it from his hands, tearing the paper back off, and sticking it neatly unto her vest. “Thank you so much...to the both of you!”

“Hey,” He smiled and winked at her. “No problem! Remember, if any customers give you trouble, come to me and Cress and we’ll throw ‘em out with their tails between their legs.”

Tears of joy stung her eyes again. “Yeah, I’ll keep that in mind,” She wiped her eyes. “I was worried for so long, but I didn’t need to be. I guess I forgot for a moment that I have the best brothers ever.”

“You got that right! And don’t forget - you’re the best sister ever!”

Holly beamed, with the stars in her eyes once more. “Y-yeah, thanks! Um..now let’s get to work!”

“Yeah, let’s! Also, don’t forget, you’re still gonna be on dish duty today.”

Her radiant smile quickly faded to a bored, tired expression. “Wow. My favorite."


End file.
